Monday, April 4, 2011

Outlines are so much more fun this way

I know, I said I'd start my essay hours ago...but technically writing an outline is half of it! I mean, every single writing teacher I've ever had has told me that outlines are actually really important, if not more so than the actual paper (that was an outright lie, I apologise on my stupidity's behalf), so I feel slightly accomplished. We can all ignore the fact that I was technically supposed to already be at that stage yesterday.
          The problem with writing something when you've already become resigned to the fact that it will end up being utter crap (through complete fault of your own) is that you stop taking it seriously. See Exhibit A. I mean, I was entertained by my thoughts, and therefore I decided to simply write them down (they were, more or less, related to the paper itself, so I don't feel like that much of a failure). And, in a shameless attempt to avoid the next step in this essay writing process (typing up the notes in order to actually start my paper) I've decided to publicly showcase my useless stupidity on the internet in order to be mercilessly mocked about it in the future when my potential children find this buried deep in the recesses of the internet's subconscious and unearth it to see wot their mother had to say as a young adult. Also, it could potentially ruin my chances of ever becoming a political candidate (because I was clearly planning on doing that after graduation) or attaining a moderate level of fame. I feel like this blog, if not this entry in specific, is ridiculous/useless enough to bring dishonour upon me and my family. Even if all the other future-damaging scenarios that I have enumerated are a little exaggerated and far fetched, it is certainly not a stretch for me to say that I'm clearly ruining my chances of ever acquiring a suitable suitor, let alone a professional career outside of a fast food chain.
The upside? It's gratifying now. So, I'll leave the consequences for future me to deal with. Up top!

Exhibit A
Discuss at least five specific examples of [the Egyptian journey into the afterlife/its challenges], and try to explain what you feel makes these different from modern religious concepts of the afterlife.

Brief explanation of how Egyptians thought that transition into next life involved a journey which involved constant challenges. Add something about taking it with you, how the Egyptians prepared for this journey long before they died (tombs/pictures/book of the dead/offerings etc.)

Explain the journey into the afterlife…or something. Fucking hell you did the reading, you should have something more than this in your outline. Okay, you can do this, explain the original idea (only for the royals) about becoming a star in the sky or some shite like that. Then you can talk about how in modern religious concepts of the afterlife, there was no such thing as becoming a star or chilling with God…cause that would be blasphemy. Oh yes and there is no distinction between the royals and non-royals because that discrimination/inequality is frowned upon.

Journey into the afterlife, new and improved! Travelling across the sky with the sun god on his bark, the suns journey through the underworld and Nut. Whoever she was. Mention how everybody had this opportunity (you might want to double check those facts) and how it was adopted as the new afterlife version. Again, none of this happens in modern times. You kinda just die, and then reawaken when it’s judgment day. Clearly the Egyptians were a lot more proactive. I’m going to hell.

Some challenges on this journey (cause it can’t all be cruising on a boat with Re or having little statue things plow fields for you) include constant interrogations. You had to make sure you knew the names of EVERYTHING (damn Egyptians, you must have had great memories…despite the illiteracy rate) in order to insure that you could pass through. Though there is this idea of the ‘pearly gates’ of heaven in modern religious concept, there is no indication that you had to know all the names of the different angels that would be associated/could possibly be encountered, let alone the names of the different parts of the gates…I’m pretty sure the different parts of the gates didn’t have names to begin with but that’s not the point.

More challenges! Fun times! Explain how there were dangerous things that could eat you and the threat of nonbeing (noooooooooooooo, nonexistence! *runs off*) this will probably be a rather short section, considering that apparently none of the authors really liked getting into specifics about the dangers…though there were like, wot 125 different spells? Gee, thanks. Being caught in the net…and there’s a few other things that are vaguely mentioned that sounded rather awesome but probably don’t have concrete enough backings for me to mention in paragraphs of their own. You should end with the spell about the heart not testifying against you (good transition, si?).

Hall of Judgment. The end of the line. Wot you’ve all been waiting for. Weighing of the heart against Maat, hoping to God(s) that they won’t be devoured by wotshisface (note: remember wot his name is). Etc. Etc. Oh yes, almost forgot about the Negative Confession. At the end, feasting with the gods of your choosing (in some versions or all? Might wanna find out) or being in the fields (when do the fields come in/not for the Royals I assume…make sure to point out the distinction between royals/nonroyals when it comes to the end of the day). Confessing actual sins can be seen as a contrast in modern day religion, especially when thinking about Christianity. Egyptians negatively confessed (though it’s not like they thought that they did no harm, they just hoped that they were good enough to overcome wot they did).

Come up with something good, I got nothing for your right now. Please try again later. Mayhaps something about how the point/view of the afterlife was intended to be familiar/comforting which is why it involved ploughing fields and reaping the benefit of the harvest/seemed to mirror their normal life. Explain a bit about how it wasn’t supposed to merely be a continuation, but more of a…ascent? I eman, if you get to be in the company of Gods, then ascent is probably on point. Maybe add some similarities or something with modern day religion. Judgement, threat of confession (in Islam, at least). How, despite the threats and obstacles and underscoring of how those who have sinned/heart weighed off would be eaten and cease to be, it was generally accepted that the deceased would make it through to the goal. So that makes me question who got eaten…just the enemies of the state? (good movie)